| Convergence: Fiona McKellen |
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December 4th, 2009 @ 12:03pm
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( Fiona McKellen )
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| Kora Sex meme |
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September 8th, 2009 @ 12:00am
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( Read more... )
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August 14th, 2009 @ 10:57am
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What do you do when everything you have is falling apart? How do you love someone you can't stand to be in the same room with?
I can't get through a day without crying. And then I have to get high to keep from completely falling apart.
I'm falling and there's no one to catch me.
I need help.
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| Who's a ho? That would be me. |
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July 31st, 2009 @ 8:35pm
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1. Bold the names of guys you'd definitely shag.
2. Italicize the names of guys you might shag after a little persuasion.
3. Leave the guys who don't do anything for you alone.
4. Put a question mark after the guys you've never heard of.
5. Strike the guys you wouldn't touch with a ten-foot pole.
6. ADD THREE OF YOUR OWN AT THE END
( Read more... )
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July 4th, 2009 @ 1:23am
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I WIN!
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June 13th, 2009 @ 1:49am
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( Coding )
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June 8th, 2009 @ 11:27pm
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My life fails.
Can I get a refund?
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April 27th, 2009 @ 11:24am
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[Mood: Sick]
[Music: Repo! The Genetic Opera - Night Surgeon]
So, Nik's sick, Dan's sick, and I'm sick. I'm being a good mommy and taking care of the babies and letting Dan sleep.
But lord I wish I could sleep too.
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March 25th, 2009 @ 12:43pm
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[Mood: Bored]
[Music: Sublime - Smoke Two Joints]
I'm bored, I'm hungry, and I suck. I feel useless, worhtless, and a bunch of other crappy things.
Fuck it, I'm getting stoned.
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March 21st, 2009 @ 10:26am
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[Mood: Confused]
[Music: Toby Keith - How Do You Like Me Now?]
Ok, so I admit I hate doing dishes. Never liked it. But, I made a mess in the kitchen so I was going to clean it up...but Dan wouldn't let me.
Did I suddenly get transported to some weird alternate universe where I'm not allowed to clean? I know I rarely do it but...why stop me when I get into the groove to do it.
I am very confused.
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March 16th, 2009 @ 4:24am
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[Mood: Creative]
[Music: Twilight Soundtrack - Flightless Bird, American Mouth]
Request a character and I will answer all of the following questions for them.
What is/are your character's...
01.) Full name?
02.) Best friend?
03.) Sexuality?
04.) Favorite color?
05.) Relationship status?
06.) Ideal mate?
07.) Turn-ons?
08.) Last sexual experience?
09.) Favorite food?
10.) Crushes?
11.) Favorite music?
12.) Biggest fear?
13.) Biggest fantasy?
14.) Quirks in bed?
15.) Bad habits?
16.) Biggest regret?
17.) Best kept secrets?
18.) Last thought?
19.) Worst sexual experience?
20.) Biggest insecurity?
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March 15th, 2009 @ 10:29am
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[Mood: Nostalgic]
[Music: Evanesence]
I want to write it out. I feel it all festering. But the words aren't coming. They're just beyond my reach in a place I'm not sure I want to go. But how much longer can I leave it there? How much longer before I break down again?
I can't sleep. I toss and turn, stare at the ceiling for hours going over every little thing in my head. Trying to pinpoint where it all went wrong. Trying to figure out what I did wrong. Wishing there was a way to fix it all.
But I guess there isn't. And why am I even surprised? I always thought low of myself. Knew I wasn't good enough. Knew I wasn't pretty, or smart, or likeable. What the hell could someone so beautiful, so damn perfect, see in someone like me?
Nothing, that's what. I'm a failure. I always have been. It's a fucking wonder I got through high school, college was a complete bust. I've never finished anything I've started. Hell, in a few years Dan will probably find someone better. He deserves more than me.
And my son. How badly am I going to screw him up? How am I any better than my mother? In fact, she's better than I could ever be. She wonders all the time how Dan puts up with me. She knows what I am. Useless.
So it's no wonder I lost her. I was so blinded but how much I love her I didn't see...anything. She was unhappy. And I didn't see it. No matter what I did to make her happy it wasn't enough. But why should it have been? What could someone like me have to offer her? She has her whole life ahead of her. She can do anything she wants. I don't have any of those options. My life was set the moment was son was born.
So I guess it's good she got away. She shouldn't tie herself down to me. I just...want her to be happy. I always said that and I always meant it. So long as she's happy, that's what matters.
Because I love her. I'll always love her. That's how I am. Once I love someone, that's it. No matter what they do, I'll always love them because I'm not capable of less. And I'll always love her.
So, I'll stay her friend. I'll do anything she wants. So long as she's happy.
Footnote:
This isn's meant to make anyone feel bad. This is just me, trying to sort through thr storm of feelings I've had for the last few days. It's to help me get through it so I can be better.
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March 14th, 2009 @ 4:33am
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[Mood: Pessimistic]
[Music: The Streets - Dry Your Eyes]
I can't stop crying. No matter how much I fuck myself up, it keeps coming up on me.
It hurts.
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March 13th, 2009 @ 5:55pm
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[Mood: Numb]
Of all the things I believe in
I just want to get it over with
tears from behind my eyes
but I do not cry
Counting the days that past me by
I've been searching deep down in my soul
Words that I'm hearing are starting to get old
Looks like I'm starting all over again
The last three years were just pretend and I say
Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I love
The one thing that I tried to hold on to
I still get lost in your eyes
And it seems like I can't live a day without you
Closing my eyes till you chase my thoughts away
To a place where I am blinded by the light but it's not right
Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to
Ohhh yeah
It hurts to want everything & nothing at the same time
I want whats yours and I want whats mine
I want you but I'm not giving in this time
Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to
The one thing that I tried to hold on to
Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to
We the stars fall and I lie awake
You're my shooting star
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March 13th, 2009 @ 10:09am
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[Mood: Aggravated]
[Music: Snow Patrol - Run]
Ok, I REALLY hate when you make plans with someone for a character and they disappear of the face of the planet. E-mail, PM, IM, poof gone. So here is a character, waiting in limbo.
Fuck that.
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March 9th, 2009 @ 9:42am
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[Mood: Annoyed]
[Music: Afroman - Cause I Got High]
Christeen: You need a haircut
Me: Ok...
Christeen: Well, your hair makes you look old.
Me: ...Old?
Christeen: Yea, wahsed out and tired. I'm going to take you to get a hair cut to make you look younger.
Me: Ok...Fuck you, you fat bitch
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February 28th, 2009 @ 3:43pm
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[Mood: Depressed]
[Music: Three Days Grace - I Hate Everything About You]
So, Dan's all pissed off at me because I wouldn't have sex with him. No, I'm not joking. I've had a migraine all day and he comes into bed, feeling me up. I'm like, no honey, I don't feel good and he gets all pissed off and is like, 'I don't feel good either but I don't get any sympathy.' You weren't look for sympathy, you were looking for sex, you asshole.
I really fucking hate him sometimes. It's like, if I don't put out, he's an asshole to me. It's not fair and it's not right.
And NOW he's looking through my private files and getting on my ass about things I have in there. Well, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU LOOKING AT IT FOR? He's treating me like fucking Mindy. This is fucking bullshit.
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February 26th, 2009 @ 11:23pm
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[Mood: Ecstatic]
[Music: Three Days Grace - Never Too Late]
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February 24th, 2009 @ 3:55pm
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[Mood: Disontent]
[Music: Three Days Grace - Riot]
You ever wake up and know everything that's could go wrong is going to go wrong and it's just going to be a bad day?
Today is one of those days.
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February 18th, 2009 @ 8:52pm
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[Mood: Amused]
[Music: Save the Last Dance - You Can Do It]
Doctor Who/Twilight crossover/smut. There is nothing Icey & I won't do.
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| For my Amy |
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February 15th, 2009 @ 6:27pm
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If you’re not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you’re not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call
If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all
I'll never know whatthe future brings
But I know you're here with me now
We’ll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?
If I don’t need you then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don’t need you then why does your name resound in my head?
If you’re not for me then why does this distance maim my life?
If you’re not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife?
I don’t know why you’re so far away
But I know that this much is true
We’ll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I pray in you’re the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life
I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?
‘Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
‘Cause I love you, whether it’s wrong or right
And though I can’t be with you tonight
You know my heart is by your side
I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I could stay in your arms
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February 6th, 2009 @ 4:51pm
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[Mood: Nauseated]
[Music: The Black Ghosts - Full Moon]
Pain. Immense fucking pain.
Looks like I may be going to the hospital tonight.
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February 1st, 2009 @ 1:52am
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[Mood: Sick]
[Music: Evanesence - Missing]
I'm trapped on the toilet, sick as fuck.
Damn my life.
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January 31st, 2009 @ 5:55pm
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[Mood: Shocked]
[Music: Mutemath - Spotlight (Twilight Mix)]
Oh my fucking god. My house is completely clean. Well, I have to vaccuum, but both kids are napping so I'll do it when they wake up. But We cleaned EVERYTHING. I personally scrubbed the bathroom. Including the toilet. I scrubbed a toilet by hand. I scared everyone and myself.
So, why the massive cleaning? My downstairs neighbor is a FUCKING CUNT. Did you know I abuse my son? Yes, he cries for hours and hours. Because I beat him. *headdesk*
Ok, this woman downstairs works with my mom. She didn't know my mom was my mom when she started going on about me saying I abuse my baby and she needs to find the grandmother. Well, my mom figured out she was talking about me and went off. She was pissed. She called me and I flipped shit. Obviously. So, I go downstairs when she gets home to see what the FUCK her problem is.
Well, since Nik apparently cries all the time, she can't sleep, so she's going to call child protective services. I was like o.O skjfhjdglkqrjvbfw. FUCK YOU!
So, I called my landlord and was like WTF, I'm going to kill this bitch. She said, and I quote, Because he's crying all night, I can't sleep. I told this to Steve (landlord) and he said, and I quote, Well, then she's just going to have to leave.
HA.
Then I told my mother and she said, If she calls child services, I'm going to go to HR, tell them she's spreading rumors about my daughter and grandson, and get her fired.
Yes, my mom rocks.
I have no fear of CPS, cause I don't beat my kid. I keep a clean house and my son is well fed and happy. So, let her call them. In PA, if you call in a false claim, you get fined. So not only will Steve kick her out and my mom get her fired, she'll have to pay a hefty fine to the state.
Take that you meddling CUNT.
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January 30th, 2009 @ 4:55am
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[Mood: Anxious]
[Music: Gay Boyfriend]
He'll be home in ten minutes. Christ, I'm chewing my nails.
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January 27th, 2009 @ 4:44pm
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[Mood: Sleepy]
[Music: Korn - Word Up]
| What Kind of Reader Are You? Your Result: Dedicated Reader You are always trying to find the time to get back to your book. You are convinced that the world would be a much better place if only everyone read more. | | Obsessive-Compulsive Bookworm | | | Literate Good Citizen | | | Book Snob | | | Fad Reader | | | Non-Reader | | What Kind of Reader Are You?
Quiz Created on GoToQuiz |
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January 27th, 2009 @ 9:46am
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[Mood: Drained]
[Music: Three Days Grace - Time of Dying]
Ok, so maybe I'm a retard, but I feel SO guilty when I go to bed when Amy and/or Icey are online. Like, I am required to be with them so they're not bored. And I've felt so crappy in the past week I've had to sleep a lot more and I feel bad that I got offline last night at like, 10 o'clock and never got back on.
I don't know if it's some kind of dependency thing or whatever. Maybe I'm just crazy.
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January 23rd, 2009 @ 12:29am
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[Mood: Busy]
[Music: Washer & Dryer]
This is a list of things I need to do this weekend:
-Laundry (wash and put away)
-Download Season 5 of House to catch up
-Download Season 4 of Supernatural to catch up
-Finish watching Sons of Anarchy
-Burn movies off my computer to make room
-Go through my Kingdom stuff and retire some characters
-Roll Smokes
-Make a master character list
-Finish at least two books
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January 21st, 2009 @ 12:08pm
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[Mood: Irate]
[Music: Snow Patrol - Run]
Ok, so I called the doctor. I have to go in at 8:15 in the morning tomorrow (ugh). I had to use the insurance I have through Dan and pay for my visit cause if I used Access I would have to drive a fucking hour into Scranton for an appointment. Not gonna happen.
So, going over my discharge papers, I read what kind of diet I'm supposed to be on until I see a doctor, which, by the way, the ER fuckwits didn't tell me.
CLEAR LIQUIDS:
A clear liquid diet has been precribed. Start with small amounts. If these cause no worsening of symptoms begin to take larger amounts of liquid. Ideally, these fluids should contain some sugar and minerals. Examples include:
-Soft Drinks
-Apple Juice
-Jello (with no fruit)
-Diluted Broth
-Tea or uncreamed coffee
This diet should be continued until the physician advises you to advance to other foods (uaually when most symptoms have resolved). Most often you'll be told to advance to simple starchy foods such as soda crackers, white bread, unbuttered potatoe, or bananas.
That is the worst part about me being sick. Everytime I turn around I have to be on some kind of special fucking diet. It pisses me off cause I have few things in my life that make me happy and food is one of those things. And I can't fucking eat! Hell, I can't even eat anything chewable!
And the damn percosets aren't really working anymore. I get high but my stomach still hurts. Not very helpful.
Ok, I'm just whining at this point but dammit I've earned the right to whine!
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January 21st, 2009 @ 11:46am
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[Mood: Sick]
[Music: Yo Gabba Gabba]
My life just fucking sucks. I get woken up by a mixture of extreme pain and my son crying. Dan's yelling at me about shit, and I'm sitting here crying. This stupid gastroshit and gall stones are killing me and I have to go to the doctor and everything is just really becoming too much. I don't want to get out of bed, I don't want to deal with anybody. I mean, I've even been an asshole on the internet. I just feel so awful and like I'm neglecting people and...I'm literallly fucking crying.
There is something sad about watching Yo Gabba Gabba and crying...
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| This is me, going to hell |
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January 19th, 2009 @ 4:18pm
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[Mood: Geeky]
[Music: NERD - Lap Dance]
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January 19th, 2009 @ 1:35am
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January 17th, 2009 @ 8:35pm
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[Mood: Ecstaic]
[Music: Nightmare Before Christmas]
Henry
Werewolf | 
Carolyn
Werewolf |
Octobre
Werewolf | 
Leo Pontellier
Werewolf | 
Dolan
Werelion | 
Melia Hann
Human | 
Kisa
Weretiger | 
Joe-Jack
Weremonkey | 
Tommy
Werewolf | 
Tina
Werewolf | 
Susie
Werewolf | 
Carter
Werebear | 
Laurie
Werewolf | 
Marco
Werewolf |
Samuel
Werewolf | 
Nessa
Werefox |
Charles
Werewolf |
Roy
Werebear | 
Richard
Witch | 
Bit
Weresquirrel | 
Sam
Werelynx |
Queen Mabith
Swanmane | 
King Thall
Weretiger | 
Princess Cassidy
Swanmane | 
Prince Darien
Swanmane |
Gwenyth Malone
Werewolf | 
Maggie Drews
Wererabbit | 
Antigone Bloom
Werewolf | 
Valdislava (Vee)
Shapeshifting Demon | 
Laurellia (Lia) Bloom
Leaf Sprite | 
Rutherford (Ford) Bloom
Mirror Sprite | 
Seraphina (Phi) Bloom
Wereotter | 
Macbeth
Handover
Wereraccoon | 
Renee Bloom
Human / Hunter |
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January 6th, 2009 @ 8:06pm
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[Mood: Amused]
[Music: Funkytown - Shrek]
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| Why yes, I am crazy thank you |
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January 3rd, 2009 @ 10:22pm
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[Mood: Crazy]
[Music: Blink 182 - I Miss You]
Meme taken from ![[info]](http://www.insanejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) urbanninja_lodn
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December 16th, 2008 @ 11:51pm
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THE FARTHINGS
Henry
Werewolf |
Carolyn
Werewolf |
Octobre
Werewolf |
Leo Pontellier
Werewolf |
Dolan
Werelion |
Melia Hann
Human |
Kisa
Weretiger |
Joe-Jack
Weremonkey |
Tommy
Werewolf |
Tina
Werewolf |
Susie
Werewolf |
Carter
Werebear |
Laurie
Werewolf |
Marco
Werewolf |
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November 16th, 2008 @ 12:30am
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Hoobastank - The Reason |
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I am SUCH a fucking retard. I accidently got formula on the keyboard of my laptop and now it doesn't fucking work. I'm spazzing out. I'm stuck on my hubby's shitastic keyboard and trying to keep myself from having a complete mental breakdown.
I called my mom and she was all, what's the big deal? She does not understand I can't LIVE without my laptop. I know that sounds all drama-llama but I have like, one rl friend I can see, and only like, every few weeks. And I talk to her online anyway! The net is like, my ONLY link to the outside world. I was out it for a week when I needed a new powercord and I almost lost it. If I have to send it back to Dell to be fixed I won't see it for a fucking month and my sanity between the post partum and my bipolar is a fragile thing. Dan had to stay home from work last night cause I freaked the fuck out.
And this desktop is SUCH a piece of shit. I can't even use fucking youtube cause it freaks the fuck out. I get one webpage and aim. That's IT. I'm going nuts cause I can' multitask. Not to mention it's slowly dying and if this goes I'm computerless and they'll have to send me to the fucking funny farm.
I swear to god if I didn't have to look after Nik I would be getting shit faced right now. I'm SO stressed I'm shaking and fighting off tears. 5 more hours and dan'll be home and he can fix my computer.
And I hate having to pretned I'm fine too. That is driving me NUTS. I can't let on I'm so close to snapping cause god forbid i upset anyone. I'm tired of having to fake it. Why can't I just be fucking unhappy?
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| My first ever vid! |
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November 9th, 2008 @ 3:53pm
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| Kingdom Characters |
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November 6th, 2008 @ 8:32am
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( Characters )
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November 6th, 2008 @ 8:24am
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When people go on about how much of a joy parenting is, I wanna just fucking smack them. There is nothing joyful about being woken up after barely 2 hours of sleep by screaming. There is nothing joyful about constantly fighting wth your boyfriend becuase you're both so exhausted you hate the sight of eachother. I love my son, but at the butt crack of morning after days of no sleep, I don't like him very much.
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| Borders: Makes Metallica look like generous people |
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November 3rd, 2008 @ 11:28am
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I can't fucking have anything. Mommy's super happy fun day has turned into Mommy's trying not to cry in fucking Panera cause my one fucking day to myself and it's all gone to hell.
You have to PAY for the wifi in Borders. How fucking retarted is that? So my plan for having a nice, relaxing day at the bookstore with my laptop has turned into me sitting in Panera, being all upset and pissed off and wanting to shank a yuppie. I get my fucking period this morning, get woken up cause Nik pissed all over the bed AGAIN and now my one fucking day ALONE and I'm stuck in fucking Panera.
Fuck it. I fucking give up. I just can't get a fucking break. According to this book dan was reading, I'm supposed to get one day to myself a week. Well, the one day to my self in a MONTH AND A HALF and I get to spend it in yuppie central as opposed to the nice, quiet bookstore like I wanted.
You know what? Fuck it. I may as well just scrap the whole fucking thing and go home cause I'm not exactly having any fucking fun anyway.
EDIT: JR payed for me to have teh internets at Borders so my Mommy super happy fun day has been saved!
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October 22nd, 2008 @ 12:49pm
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I'm looking at my phone, trying to think of someone to call to talk to...
I have no one.
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October 22nd, 2008 @ 12:30pm
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The one day I really could stand to go see my therapist I have to cancel my appointment cause Dan has to work.
I'm spiraling again. No matter how hard I fight it I'm going down further and further. Only this time I really don't have anyone to catch me. Dan is so stressed about work and getting the apartment set up and Nikolas he doesnt have time to really deal with me. When he's here I pull into myself, ignoring him and Nikolas and hiding. I can't control it either. Then Dan gets mad at me, basically accuses me of neglecting my son and it all gets worse because so much guilt eats at me, making my depression so much worse so I go and cry in a corner somewhere, which only pisses Dan off more.
I feel like everything's my fault and nothing I do is right. Nothing's good enough. If I take care of Nik, it's not enough cause I apparently do it one handed. Fufill his needs but I don't pay enough attention to him. Every time Dan shoves that in my face I just want to...I don't want to fuck my kid up. My biggest worry is he'll end up just as screwed up as I am. And I feel like Dan's blaming me for how I am, but I know that's not his intention.
I'm not blaming him at all. He's doing his best, but I'm making it hard on him so if course he's going to be mad at me. He does so much and I don't do enough. I feel so fucking useless. I feel like I'm a bad mother. A bad wife. A bad person in general...
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August 23rd, 2008 @ 5:25am
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I feel like crap. I feel neglected. I wanna curl up and die.
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| For Kat |
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June 30th, 2008 @ 7:39pm
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Character Information
Name: Lorelei Kelley
Nickname: Lorie, Lore
Age: 7 1/2
Birthplace: Chicago, Illinois
Sex: Female
Occupation: High School Student
Appearance: Lorie is a tiny little girl with chestnut brown hair and golden eyes. She looks more like her father than her mother, sporting his dad's nose. She's a scrawny bean pole like most girls her age. Clothing wise, she wears whatever her mother buys her. She doesn't find it important and often finds herself in cute sundresses and pigtails.
Personality: Lorelei is a very serious seven year old. Her IQ is 237, making her the smartest person in her family. It makes her methodical and calculating when it comes to her thinking. She speaks like a dictionary to the point where her own family doesn't always understand her. Lorie is very unforgiving and will hold a grudge for a long time. She doesn't like it when she's treated like a child, though she lets her mother get away with it. She's not very social, having trouble connecting with anyone becase of her mind. She's closest with her older sister Rory.
Special abilities/talents: Lorie is a genius.
Supernatural Affinity:
Species/Group: Human
History: Lorie was born to the crazy Kelley family, and early on they figured out she was going to be just as odd as thier other children. By the time she was two, while most children are watching Barney, Lorie was reading Shakespeare. They had her tested and her IQ was 237. Lorie was not ashamed of her genius, even thta young, and would happily correct people on just about everything.
At 4 she was sent to a special academy in Chicago with am amazing cirriculum tailored to her genius. She still got bored and spent a lot of her time reading. She prefered to spend her time alone or with her family. not making any friends in school. The school forced her into therapy and Lorie made the therapist cry in their first session, insulting her intellectually. She didn't go back and her parents never forced her.
Lorie loved her father more than anyone, letting herself be a kid with him. She smiled and played like any girl her age. When she found out why her parents suddenly split and they were moving, she felt horribly betrayed and now despises her father.
Flaws: Lorie will hold a grudge worse than an Irishman.
She has a lot of trouble connecting to people because of her age and level of intelligence.
Lorie is very anti-social, secluding herself and having no friends outside of her family.
Merits: Lorie is actually very sweet when she wants to be, mostly to her two younger siblings, the M&Ms.
Sexual Orientation: Straight
Preferred PB (played-by): Tessa Allen
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